Almost two weeks ago the DRC suspended all exit letters to leave the DRC and bring adoptees home to their families. That day was hard – very hard, in fact! I was moody, I was exhausted, I was feeling like the odds were against us yet again. And honestly, I think that’s the point.
Sometimes I think God brings us to the end of ourselves – the end of difficult decisions – to make us realize we can’t do it on our own. As much as we may want to control the situations around us or what is happening in our lives we just can’t.
I can’t make my daughter be perfect.
I can’t make my husband’s day go well.
I can’t make our government function the way that I think it should.
I can’t make my boys come home.
I just can’t.
Not because I don’t want to, not because I won’t try to, just because I can’t.
I cannot control everything. And when I come to a point in my life where I can admit that, I think God has me right where He wants me… Do you want to know why?? (If you don’t, I am going to tell you either way so hold on tight!!)
I think when we come to the end of ourselves, we come to the beginning of Him. When we are willing to drop to our knees and say, “God, I just can’t”, He responds with, “When you are weak, I am strong.” And when we feel like we just can’t keep doing what we are doing – we just can’t keep running the race, He comes in and carries us. When we come to the end of ourselves, we come to the beginning of Him.
I had heard people say this before and I have (in my “good christian girl” thought process) agreed full heartedly. In other words, I knew in my head but not in my heart… I hadn’t, in the depths of my soul, fully experienced how Sovereign God’s plan and timing was. But the past few months I heard this faint whisper “let it go”.
So I would continue on with my life full speed.
“let it go…”
So I would race toward whatever I wanted to accomplish.
“let it go…”
So I would scream “WHY, GOD?!?! WHY?!!”
“let it go…….”
The one day, I was in my quiet time and I read:
“When I cannot understand my Father’s leading,
And it seems to be but hard and cruel fate,
Still I hear that gentle whisper ever pleading, God is working, God is faithful, ONLY WAIT.” (Streams in the Desert, anonymous)
Then I heard “that gentle whisper ever pleading”, “let it go……..”
And every day there after until I actually obeyed, my time with the Lord whispered, “My daughter, let it go.”
So finally, I did.
And guess what? When I came to the end of myself, I was led to the beginning of my God. I was led to His feet. I was led to his peace. I was led to his comfort and grace.
As I sit here right now talking to each of you (for I truly feel as if we are sitting across from each other chatting with coffees in hand), I know that God is fighting for us. I know HE is working it all out for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28). And I can honestly say that I trust that my God is greater than even the biggest details in my life.
Besides that, I know that God loves me more than I could love myself. I know that God loves my husband more than I could ever love him. I know that God loves Charlie, Easton and Bentley more than I could ever love them. And I love all of them a lot. And even better? He wants AND knows what is best for my whole family. So, why shouldn’t I let it go?
So can I ask?? Is there anything that God has been whispering to you lately? Has He been in your ear gently saying “let it go”? Or is whispering “I’ve got this, my child”? Or maybe on the other end he is saying loudly, “JUMP! I won’t let you fall, trust me!!”
Because after all, He does have it taken care of, and He will catch you… and if anything, He will be carrying you.
“But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12: 9 & 10
Let’s get together again soon and chat, okay? I really enjoyed it!
Please pray that I would rest completely in the Lord and continue to Let it go. Also pray for our boys health and safety in the DRC. Finally, pray that Caleb and I would embrace and celebrate the time that we have left as just a little family of 3. Pray that the DRC government would work hard to bring home our Pastor, his wife, and their 4 beautiful daughters… Also pray for their 8 kids that are at home, that God would comfort them and bring them closer together while their family is separated.