The Apparent Project

Look what I just got in the mail today!

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Yep, it’s a bit confusing when you look at the picture, right?! But how about this one??

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Pretty cool, huh?! They’re paper bead bracelets made in Haiti by parents or siblings who are trying to keep they’re kids (or siblings) and fight the orphan crisis while there, in country! They are also individuals who are trying to earn money to go to school or start a business and become self sufficient. So, the best thing about this is that they do this to raise funds for themselves while also allowing people to raise funds for whatever the cause may be! You can check more information out here at http://www.apparentproject.org.

Each bracelet is made by someone specific. You can see his or her picture and story on the tag that is connected to these beautiful bracelets.

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This is Kaliko’s story: “Kaliko is a hard working young man who wants to use his earnings to support his mother and his six brothers and sisters. He also would like to finish school. He is our class clown of artisans and a joy to be around.”

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This is Victoria. “Victoria has two beautiful children and is raising them by herself. She would like to use her earnings to pay for them to both stay in school and help her family. She is twenty two years old.”

I have 500 stories just like these sitting in our family room. They are all unique beads and the stories are all special to these individuals. Would you consider supporting them as well as our adoption?

50% of the proceeds will go towards the people making these bracelets and 50% will be going towards bringing our boys home. So we will be selling each of these bracelets for $8 a piece. If we can sell all 500 of these we will be sending $2000.00 to Haiti and $2000.00 will be going to our adoption.

Please consider purchasing one of these bracelets! And then spread the word! I think if we all share this with our friends we would be able to sell 500. Here’s the catch: we only have 6 weeks to sell each of these bracelets. So by June 11th, we will need to pack up any remaining bracelets and the money raised for them sent back to Haiti.

If you would like to order any bracelets please comment or you can send me an email at laura.walker2010@gmail.com.

Thanks again everyone for your love and support! Let’s bring our kiddos home!!

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If you’d like to help us financially bring home our 2 kids from the DRC, please follow think link to our donation page. It gives you further details how to donate in a simple and safe way! Thanks for checking this out!

Trusting for Provision

**For the safety of this adoption process and the sake of not ruining our chances to adopt, please do not share ask for anymore information on our adoption unless we are face to face. We cannot let certain details be put out over the internet without sacrificing our ability to adopt from the DRC. Thank you for understanding.**

As of almost a month ago, Caleb, Charlie and I received and accepted a referral! This referral was for 1 child – no more, no less. Honestly, when we received the referral and saw the picture for the first time, I had the same exact feeling I had when I first saw Charlie’s sweet face in the 3D ultrasound. Caleb and I were reviewing the referral over the phone with our emails opened and we prayed that God would give us wisdom… but all we could do was say “Yes!!”. We were thrilled that we had one kid that we were officially working to bring home. 

However, that didn’t change the feeling that we were called to adopt 2 kids… So, I emailed our agency rep and asked her if there were any other kids that might be waiting for a forever family, they didn’t have to be related. She responded quickly and said that she would look into it.

The next day, on the way home from running errands, Caleb and I were chatting about our referred child and I clearly remember asking him how he felt about the process. His response was one that I was feeling as well, “I’m so excited but I was hoping for two.” I agreed and we continued on our way home.

Five minutes later we were home and I was checking my email. There it was a second referral! We reviewed it, talked, prayed, and accepted it. So we were all of a sudden a married couple with one biological little girl and two kids that we could put names and faces to that we were fighting to make a part of our family. 

That fight is not an easy one. And there are different things that come along with accepting two referrals of kids who are not related, one of which is that it makes the adoption process more expensive. Instead of adopting a sibling group which would then give a discounted price through the agency, we are adopting two separate non related kids that are both the same price as a single adoption.

What we had fundraised for before, what God had provided for before, was just enough to get us through the referral side of things. Now that we are here at this point in time, we feel a strong calling to continue on. We fully believe and trust that God is calling us to trust Him all the more. We know that He has brought these two referrals into our life so that we can trust that He will provide the money that we need, when we need it. That being said, we have a huge task at hand. One that I know God will provide for in ways that we could never imagine. 

You know that phrase, “It takes a village to raise a child”? Well, in our case it may take a village just to bring home our children. We have gone from being completely fundraised to needing $15,000.00. You read that right, $15,000.00. We will be doing that in a couple of different ways and we are asking you to share this with everyone you know. Tell them what we are doing. Tell them who we are fighting for. Tell them that there are 153 million orphans in the world and we are trying to make that two less. But we can’t do this without you. Pray for ways to help. Pray to see if God is asking you to donate towards bringing these kids home. Pray for people to rise up and join us in our adoption. Pray that God would provide exactly what we need, when we need it.

There are a couple different fundraisers that we are going to be doing. One of which just arrived here at our home (YAY). And four of which are being planned for as we speak. But as I get all of our ducks in a row, I will be posting about each specific fundraising option. Please keep your eyes open and pass these posts along. If we could get 500 people to donate $30 each, whether it is through a fundraiser or through donating just because they would like to. 

Thank you for your support this far and thank you for continuing to support us as we go!

 

**Just a reminder, we cannot release anymore information on our referrals than I have already given you. Please, if you have any questions about our adoption, approach Caleb or I in person. We also will have to filter what we can say face to face as well.**

Hold nothing back

*Before I start this blog post I first need to preference it by saying, please don’t comment on this one. I don’t want to sound rude but the words I am about to say need no comment. They need no encouragement. And more than anything, I want these words to ring in your ears and your hearts for as long as possible. I want them to linger for days, maybe even years. I want them to settle on your hearts like a ton of bricks that can’t be lifted until some action is taken. And more than anything, I want them to shred you. I want them to be burned on your heart for as long as you can stand to leave them there.*

Almost two years ago, on March 14th, 2011, my Dad died suddenly from an automobile accident. Actually, those words seem empty as I write them because it was much more than that – a distracted bus driver flew through a red light and slammed into the side of my Dad’s car. No, I wasn’t there. No, I didn’t see anything. And I no, I wasn’t even in the same state. Not even close.

Today my dad would have been 58.

I’ve been chewing on that thought all day. I have been inhaling my shock that the grief has come so late. I tried to start the day without thinking about it but no matter how hard I tried, the thought wouldn’t leave me. He would have been 58.

So finally, at the end of the day, when all is silent in my world – when all I can do is sit alone on my couch and think back over the years – one thought snares me. “I missed so much”.

I missed embracing his hugs without fear of what others might have thought.

I missed sitting at his feet and absorbing all the wisdom and truth he exuded.

I missed laughing at all of his corny jokes just because it made him smile.

I missed saying “I love you” every chance I got.

I missed being there.

Really, the list could go on forever… but I think you get the point. I look back at all the pictures others had with my dad and I think, I missed that because I was more concerned about living my life to the fullest. But really, that is not what life is about.

Our world has tricked us into thinking carpe diem, seize the day. But not for the sake of others, for the sake of ourselves. We are so blinded by what we want, what we hope for, what we would fight for, that we miss it completely:

It’s not about us.

When we think like that we look back over our lives and think, I’ve missed so much. 

So instead of wallowing in self pity and continuing this vicious cycle of me, me, me, I want to embrace everything my Dad never said but tried so hard to teach me. I want to reach deeper into my relationship with him and see how everything my dad did pointed me to our loving God and Creator. So hold tight because it isn’t as complicated or as self focused as it seems.

Love others deeply. Love others passionately. Give of yourself for others. But more importantly, give of yourself for God. Love God deeply. Love God passionately. Love God fiercely. Hold nothing back.

I’m not sure you have absorbed that fully so I’ll say it one more time.

Love others deeply. Love others passionately. Give of yourself for others. But more importantly, give of yourself for God. Love God deeply. Love God passionately. Love God fiercely. Hold nothing back.

Please do not over complicate this. It is as simple as that. My Dad’s whole life exuded this and it would be like ignoring who he was completely to not come away with that.

I remember when I was growing up, everything my dad would do was completely selfless. He would go camping with my family just because he loved us. (And for any of you who knew my dad, this was no little task. I’m pretty sure he’d pack toilet paper instead of anything else.) He loved my Mom with a passion that nobody could ever deny. He worked in free clinics in his free time. He volunteered as a youth leader at my youth group for my class, starting specifically working with freshmen boys. But he didn’t stop at youth group, our home became those guys safety in many different ways. And I know, he loved them fiercely like he would his own sons. He mentored other men. He retired from his job so he could volunteer with Bible Study Fellowship (before he even had a thought of having a job there). He flew out of his way to be with his friends, no matter what was going on in there lives. He stopped to help people who had nothing to their name. He gave everything he had.

Once we were at a gas station in Arizona filling up before heading to church when a man, who was clearly high on something, walked up to him asking for money so that he could “fill up his gas tank”. I remember looking around and not seeing a car nearby then looking back at my dad who graciously handed him more than what it would have taken to fill up this so called car. Then he proceeded to ask him if he would like to join us at church that morning. The man said he’d think about it and walked away. A few minutes later my dad got into the car and started to drive off. Immediately I asked him why he would do such a thing. Why in the world would he give a man, who was clearly as high as a kite, money to “fill up his tank”.

My dad said something in return that I will never forget, “Laura, who am I to decide for God how that man will use that money. I have no idea what he will use it for, probably alcohol, maybe even drugs… But what if 5, 10 or 15 years down the road he decides to walk through those church doors? What if his life is changed completely because I had faith that our God will do more with that money than I ever will know?”

And with that the conversation was over. We went to church. Then he left to go home to Texas.

I write all of that not because I want to say what a great man God made him to be. I don’t need to write that because all of you, no matter how much or little you knew him, know he was one of a kind.

No… I don’t want to take away from what he was doing…

I say all of those things because my Dad loved more fiercely than anyone I have ever known. He did that because he loved God more fiercely than anyone I have ever known. And he did that because God loved him more fiercely that any love he had ever known.

And that’s the point that my dad was trying to make without saying it. That is the point he lived his life fighting to get across.

So, as what would have been his 58th birthday comes to a close, I can finally say that I get it. I can finally see him in the way that God had been wanting me to see him my whole life. Can you?

… I have one ask of all of you have dared to sit through this blog post. Not for me, not for my family, and not even for my Dad… but for the One my Dad was living for:

Love others deeply. Love others passionately. Give of yourself for others. But more importantly, give of yourself for God. Love God deeply. Love God passionately. Love God fiercely. Hold nothing back.

Happy 58th Birthday Daddy! I’m sure that you are sitting at God’s feet, worshiping Him with all of your heart just like you did here on earth. You truly got it.

Thank you, Dad, for loving us in such a real way!

Thank you, Dad, for loving us in such a real way!

We interrupt this programming…

Today I’m not going to post about adoptions. I need to take a break from that for a couple of days. Instead I’m going to take some time to talk about one of the things that I am most thankful for. That would be my husband.

3 years ago on January 1st, I walked down the aisle with my arm looped through my dad’s. My hair was just right. My dress cinched in the back as tight as it would go. My flowers in my hand were wrapped gently in the lace that my Grandma wore as a veil. And my heart was soaring. I knew that in a little bit my heart would no longer be just God’s and mine, it would be completed with my husband’s heart as well.

Those steps down the aisle didn’t seem to go slowly. They didn’t seem to go quickly. In fact, I don’t even remember who was lining the aisle. Instead my feet floated, directing me where and how to step. All I could see was my future husband’s face.

When I got to the end of the aisle everything sped into warp speed. I don’t even remember all that happened. I mean, how could you? My heart was racing, my mind was spinning and all I could do was say and think was “focus, Laura, this is important”. Still to this day I don’t remember all the vows. I don’t remember if I laughed, if I cried, if I smiled like a giddy school girl – all I remember is his face.

Then we said “I do” and I think Caleb and I almost skipped down the aisle we were so happy.

Tomorrow is the 1st. Tomorrow is 3 years. Tomorrow reminds me of forever.

I may not remember the vows, songs, cake, food, dancing, or anything else. But I gladly remember that I promised forever to the most incredible man I know. I vowed to serve him and love him. I gladly do. I vowed in better or worse. (I only know that because that’s in every vow). And we have been through worse and we have been through better.

Our first year of marriage was really hard – and even that is an understatement! I don’t know if we ever had a “honeymoon” period of our marriage. We went through a terrible honeymoon (don’t worry, Caleb agrees), a blown out knee (in the first 3 months of marriage), a stubborn bride (that’s me through and through), job hunting, moving to Portland, seminary, not knowing anyone, I was terribly sick for a long time (couldn’t get off the couch) and then the year ended. And for a while I was bitter about that. But now I see God had a bigger plan in getting us ready for what would be even more difficult.

The next year brought joy and pain. Thanks to my parents, Caleb and I were able to take a second honeymoon to Disney World. And even though I was incredibly ill the whole time we were there, we had more fun that we had had in a long time. We laughed nonstop and were able to act like little kids! We watched the fireworks there on New Year’s Eve to start the year off, then we were able to celebrate our 1st anniversary.

Following that trip, we were able to celebrate a sweet friend’s marriage to a wonderful man. Their wedding was perfect. Their vows were wonderful. We danced, laughed, and reminisced with old friends. I got to dance with my dad one last time.

That following March, my Dad passed away. I remember calling people for my mom and listening to them wail over the phone. I don’t remember much of anything else from that first day after my Dad passed except for seeing my husband and melting. His strength was a gift from God. His gentleness was more than I could have ever hoped or wished for… That night he let me sob on his chest for more than three hours straight. What kind of man would do that?

That was just the start to how difficult that year was for our family. And I could list everything off for you but I stop there. That year I learned that I did not deserve this incredibly gracious husband of mine. I realized that God truly gifted me with someone who portrays how He loves me every second of every day.

Year two ended with my being pregnant with a sweet baby girl. A huge joy!

Year three started with excitement. I was pregnant. I was married to my best friend. We could get through anything! And we can. Not because of my strength, not because of my husband but because of who God is.

We had our sweet baby girl and I realized that my husband was more than that – he was a Daddy now to the most precious little gift God has given us thus far. And what a wonderful dad he is!

So tomorrow as Caleb and I celebrate our 3rd anniversary, I want to say thank you. Thank you, Caleb, for being the best friend anyone could ever wish for. Thank you for leading and loving our family. Thank you for asking me out on our first date. Thank you for letting God be your strength so He could use you to be mine. Thank you for being gentle, kind, gracious, humble and loving when I need it the most. Thank you for never letting “divorce” be in our vocabulary. Thank you for loving our daughter more than anybody I know. Thank you for providing for us. Thank you for your fierce zeal and joy that you take in life. Thank you for laughing when I can’t, for singing even when I’m grumpy and for dancing even when you don’t want to. Thank you for sacrificing yourself on a daily basis for our family. And more than anything thank you for loving our God first because without Him we would have never made it this far!

Tomorrow let’s celebrate the past 3 years. And let’s bring in the beginning of our 4th year. More than that, let’s celebrate that our love is a love that can make it through anything because our love starts in Christ.

I love you Caleb, and I am SO thankful that you picked me to love for forever! Happy Anniversary!

The love of my life!

The love of my life!

Hold My Breath

When you are adopting and you hear those words “there is a waiting referral available”, your heart tends to stop. We heard those words today and my brain hasn’t stopped spinning. Let me explain what that means before I get too far into all that “feely” stuff. 

A waiting referral is a child, or sibling group, that is waiting for a family. Seems simple enough, right? Well, let me explain a little further… sometimes these children have been passed up by other families (for health reasons, gender wishes or whatever else the family decides) and sometimes they just haven’t found the right fit for them. So when someone says there is a waiting referral that means you are that much closer to getting to read a name (or two) that might end up being part of your family. However, that also means that the next family that is available for that/those child(ren) will probably end up being their family.

So today I heard the words “there is a 2 & 4 year old waiting referral available”. Hm. Interesting. At first I thought, well there’s no way that we would be able to get these kids as our referral. So I ignored it and went on with my day. I went to take a nap while my sweet girl was napping when I realized that I hadn’t even told Caleb. Then my mind started to swirl. 

A waiting referral. For a 2 & 4 year old. A waiting referral. Shoot. I got up from what would have been my nap and went to tell Caleb.

Caleb told me to email our agency to see what they had to say about it and to ask questions about them… 

I did immediately. 

Now my heart is racing, my brain is swirling and my hands are shaking.

Who knows? Maybe they are the kids that God has for us, maybe they aren’t. But either way you look at it, I have an opportunity. I can pray. I can hope. I can dream. Not for myself but for these kids. Of course, in the back of my head I keep thinking “God let them be our kids!” and in my heart I hear Him saying back “They are My kids. You are My kids. Pray for them.” 

So tonight, tomorrow and the next few days, wherever you are at please join us in praying for that 2 & 4 year old in the orphanage in the Congo. Join me in hoping for their futures in their families. Pray that God would fill their hearts and that they would be drawn closer to Him. Because if they have Him, that’s all they need.

Besides, while I’m praying, I will hold my breath and hope for my kids to be held by Him even after they get home.

 

(And if this is how I act after every time I hear there is a waiting referral, I’m in trouble! But there will be a lot of sweet kids being prayed for) 

Just so you know… The “real” deal.

**I’m going to be posting for a little while about some things that people need to know about adoption lingo and questions that are often asked of those touched by adoption. Any posts about this will be titled with “Just so you know…” in it. Please feel free to comment or message me with any questions you might have about adoption, being adopted, adopting, etc. If I don’t know the answers or if I know someone who might better be able to answer them, I will have them guest blog about it for me. Remember, adoption is a sensitive subject and needs to be addressed respectfully, but any comments/questions will be responded to in a non-judgmental way. Thanks guys!**

A lot of people ask me what it is like to adopt after being adopted myself. And I have to say that, honestly, sometimes it can be really annoying. Sometimes it can be really insightful into my own adoption and how I function. Sometimes it can be exciting. Sometimes it can be overwhelming. Not sure if that makes much sense but I know that God is using this to grow me into an even better mommy for my kids!

Let me explain a little bit about why it can be annoying:

When I hear a question that differentiates between my “real” kid and my “adopted” kids, it makes me wonder if I am ordering a doll or something without life, in the mail. I promise you, my biological and my adopted kids are all my “real” kids. They all have hearts, lungs, and blood in their veins. It’s also frustrating for me when you ask about their “real” mom. I’m very real, I promise you that. 🙂  …all joking aside, as an adopted kid who is adopting kids, there are some things that you may say about my kids that also apply to myself, causing me to have to pray really hard that God will give my kids and I a few things: grace, confidence in the fact that we are chosen, and understanding in where people are coming from.

Now, I know that seems a bit harsh and I know that people don’t quite understand why this can be hurtful, however, I want you to know that the question about “real” versus “adopted” kids can damage anyone related to the adoption or adoptee in some way, at the core. This is because our whole lives we, as people who have been given up, frequently battle the lie that Satan gives us that we are not wanted, nor were we chosen. I think in the depths of our hearts, everyone battles with that lie. So to hear someone comment as though the adoptee is not “real” reaffirms that lie.

From the other side of things, it also frustrates me that people get their panties in a wad over this… Because I’m adopting, I understand where parents come from with this – trust me I do! But I also grew up with this statement whirling around in my head and, more importantly, in my heart. And with this word “real” constantly being brought to my attention, I also know that it’s not said with any cruelty. I know that it’s said from not knowing – not understanding the impact that those words can have on a person.

I also know that as adoptive parents, or even just people who have been around a lot of adoptions, it is our job to educate. It is our job to encourage our community to grow. It is our job to love regardless of the pain it may cause us to hear this. And honestly, as someone who is adopted, it as made me question what “real” really means… And in that questioning, God has shown me His true heart for the adopting and the adoptees. That, I can honestly say, is something that has formed who I am in Him almost more than anything else. Not only have I been saved and redeemed but I have been adopted in more ways than one. And God is my “real” Father even more that my dad was, and he was incredible – praise God for that!

My desire for this post is not to make anyone feel bad. It’s not to point fingers. It’s not even to get pity for my-adopted-self. No, instead this is to say, “its okay to make mistakes in what we say”. It’s to declare that I will choose to educate, to love, to understand, to grow from statements that are said without the knowledge that we have.

**I hope to post frequently about things that might help others to understand what is okay and what isn’t okay to say or do around those who are touched by adoption in one way or the other. If you ever have any questions, please know that this is a safe place, I will not be angry or hurt. I am very open to any of these things as long as the questions are asked with a desire to respectfully learn**

The Song Has Changed

When I was in high school every song that I listened to had meaning to me. The meaning wasn’t more than the simple thoughts of “does he like me?” or “why doesn’t he like me?”

When I was in college, and the years following, the same remained to be true: songs had meaning in my life. Never were the songs as simple to me as they were when I was in high school. They transformed me. My thoughts would take over: “Am I doing the right thing?”, “Who am I?”, “Does he love me?”, “Is he the one?”, “God what are you doing?”, and “Am I ready for what God has for me?”.

Now that I am married and have my first child, I have been tired. So tired that some days I wonder what role music plays in my life any more. I used to live by it… The lyrics that someone had so purposefully written had matched the cry of my heart in one way or another. But until recently that meaning had been lost.

Yesterday was one of those days that changes everything… I don’t know what was wrong with Charlie but she was a mess. People keep telling me she is now in this stage of finding her voice and will forever be fighting her sinful nature… I believe them, and boy was I feeling run down. On top of that, Caleb was gone running errands for the coffee shop for the day. When he got home we went to meet my mom for dinner (which in and of itself is a HUGE battle for me with all of my food allergies. I know people, I can only eat your steamed veggies without getting and I’m not shocked by that anymore). But last night was different, Charlie was a complete mess. Everyone else seemed to handle it fine but with being with her all day I just about wanted to scream at even the look of defiance in my little girl’s eyes.

And to add to all of that, all I could think about were the kids who were supposed to be around that table with us. Our kids from the Congo. I thought about them all day yesterday. I thought about them when Charlie smiled, when she screamed, when she was napping, when I was cleaning… I just thought about them. I wondered where they were at, if they were safe in the orphanage yet, what their stories were, if they were healthy or not…

Before we went to dinner last night Caleb got home and I was able to jump in the shower and, for the first time in a long time, I wanted music playing in the background – something that would relax me. So I turned on my “Kari Jobe” station on Pandora Radio, hopped into the shower and let the hot water soak into my skin. I didn’t even hear most of the songs until one of my all time favorites came on: “Love is Waiting” by Brooke Fraser.

My heart rate slowed. My muscles relaxed. A smile spread across my face. And I am sure that if the hot water wasn’t running down my face, I would have felt tears – happy, sad, or both I’m not sure. This was the first time in a long time that music had meaning to me.

I used to listen to this song back when I lived in Arizona wondering who my husband would be. I prayed these words – prayed that I would wait and honor God with my waiting for the one He made for me. I longed these words, often so much that it would make me sad that I hadn’t found this love yet… My head would spin knowing that someday, God would bring the right man into my life.

And once I met Caleb, I would sing this song about him… I knew before we dated there was something special about him! I just didn’t know that this was the one that God had prepared me for my whole life.

After we got married I stopped singing this song. I didn’t need to wait for my husband anymore… I didn’t need to wonder who he was or what he was doing. I didn’t need to question what God was planning for us. So I stopped praying this song.

But yesterday, when I was in the shower, my heart broke the silence and the prayer resonated from the depths of my soul. Not for Caleb, not wondering what God was doing in my life… I was singing for our kids. My kids. I kept thinking, “I’m waiting for you, I will do whatever I can, whatever God allows me to do to get to you.”

Another prayer came out from this song. I prayed that my kids would somehow, in the depths of their souls would know that we are out here waiting for them. Praying for them. Loving them. Fighting for them.

So I did it… no, that’s not even right to say – God did it. He brought meaning back to the songs. That day – in the shower of all places – God filled my soul with a prayer, a song, a passion, a dream.

This is for my babies. Whether it’s two boys or a boy and a girl this is my prayer for them. This is my heart for them. And I think even more than that, this is God’s heart for them.

We Saw Jesus

When we had Charlie, our condo became too small too fast. So we sold the condo and bought a house that was bigger than we needed at the moment with the thought that someday we would have more kids. That was 4 months ago. Now our home will be able to hold all of our kids!

Then we had bought a “practical” car when we downsized to a Subaru Forrester. Practical it was but little did we know that just four months later we would need to start looking for something bigger. When we started our adoption process every time we rode in my little red car we noticed how increasingly small it was starting to feel. The dogs barely fit now when we would go on family outings let alone if we were to add one maybe two kids!! There was no way we’d be able to add anyone else in the car with one more carseat either!

So the search began. And we looked… and looked… and looked… and looked… and looked… and looked. We even looked at options in another state! But we finally decided to go visit a few dealerships close by with the intention of driving a couple that we had already looked at. At the final dealership we checked out the used vehicles that we came to see and decided that they just weren’t the right fit… So before leaving we chatted with the salesman about any other options they might have and were able to tell him why we were purchasing a bigger vehicle.

When he told us they did have one other vehicle he thought we should look at but it was $7,000 outside of our budget, Caleb and I naturally said, we can’t afford that so we shouldn’t even look. The salesman very politely (not in a typical pushy way) told us to look at it any way and maybe they could work something out

We went to look thinking that regardless of how much they could help us out we could still not afford it…

We looked.

We saw.

We loved.

We were disappointed that we couldn’t afford it.

A few minutes later the salesman came out to talk with us about the price. We told him what our budget was… we explained we couldn’t go any higher… skeptically watched him walk away as he went to talk with the owner.

No more than five minutes later he said, “Well, if you want it, it’s yours.”

I could feel the oxygen getting sucked out of my lungs quickly. “There’s no way you can do that!” I exclaimed.

Caleb asked him some questions and we found out that they were going to give us more than what we should have gotten on our Subaru and they were going to sell us the Suburban for less than wholesale. And he said they were going to do that because the owner heard our adoption story and wanted to help us in the process.

I cried multiple times that day. This was how the body of Christ was intended to function. This was what we were made to do for others. And this was how we saw Jesus. They practically gave us this vehicle that was nicer than we thought we would ever be able to get and it was more than we could have ever deserved.

We are so excited to have a vehicle that will hold our whole family when we get to bring the rest of our kids home! And every time I see our “new” used Suburban I think about the owner and salesman who were willing to be Jesus to us. They are just one of the ways that God has gone above and beyond providing for the adoption so far.

And we are blessed that we could see Jesus in a tangible way… I don’t think I had seen Him so tangibly in such a long time.

My Heart

I just have a few things to say tonight. Nothing big by way of updates…

First, I’m already in love with our adoptive kids. I don’t know who they are… If they are little or big… If they are shy or outgoing… If their parents are still alive or not. All I know is that I love them.

Also, my heart aches more and more every day for them to be home. As an adopted kid myself, I never could fathom how this would feel. But now that I’m going through it, I feel this overwhelming ache. It literally feels as though my heart is missing a piece of it. Like it won’t be whole until we bring our kids home. And I know this must be how our loving God feels when we aren’t walking with him. All I can think is “why aren’t you here with me now?!” and we’ve only just begun.

I wake up in the middle of the night with the urgent feeling of needing to pray for my kids NOW. So i do. And I lose that sleep. And I toss and turn when I realize they don’t even know someone loves them this much.

All I know is God has the perfect kids picked for our family right now. They will be the best fit for us. And it may be a long wait and a difficult transition but it’s worth it. Charlie will love her siblings. Caleb is going to be an incredibly proud daddy to his newest additions. I will be more full of love than I ever have been.

And you know what?? God will be glorified in this. And he will be honored by this. And He will get all the praise… No matter what happens.

Well, that’s all for now. I pray that you too will be filled with love and the desire to pray for our kids.

– Laura